How it all started
7 years ago, my life completely changed. My friends and I were enjoying a streetparty as a young man came walking my way to give me his card. He asked me if I was interested in becoming a fashion model for his agency. A couple of photoshoots later, and not even 3 months later, he sent me to Los Angeles, to work in Hollywood.
Really, me? Working in Hollywood as a fashion model? What was happening here!? I couldn’t believe it. It was excited beyond belief. I felt like I was living the dream.
However, even though everything felt dreamlike and was very exciting in the beginning, things turned around not so long after… Not booking jobs, having a lot of time off and receiving harsh feedback from agencies made me feel very insecure from time to time. Living life as a fashion model made me feel very unstable at times.
I identified myself with my successes. Booking great jobs meant feeling good about myself. Not earning money for long periods of time, meant feeling low about myself.. I lost my sense of self worth.
After a long period of battling with these challenges, I learned how to not identify myself with my career anymore and feel a lot more stable in life.
Living the ‘dream life’
After 2 years of not earning money, things finally turned around; I started booking enough paid jobs to finally fill my wallet. From the outside I was seemingly living the dream; traveling all around the world, seeing amazing places, making friends from all over the globe, and working for great international brands such as Dolce & Gabbana, Vogue and Elle magazine (with not to forget, periods of not working at all which we, as Models, all know).
For a while I felt like I was on top of the world. Earning my own money and posting beautiful pictures felt GOOD. Even though this all felt great for my ego, after some time I felt empty. Although I knew I was very fortunate to have the ability to work as a model, I deeply felt that I could do more, and that I WANTED to do more. I wanted to do something meaningful, I wanted to add value to the world. But what to do? And where to start? These were questions in my mind I couldn’t answer, and often made me feel restless and insecure.
Thinking about the future often made me anxious. What was the future going to bring me? I didn’t know. Since I was a little girl, I always had big dreams and great ambitions, but how could I use this ambition? After all the years, did I actually still have it in me? Having a lot of free time on my hands, often made me restless.
I would constantly over think about the future and felt like I was wasting my time. I felt like everyone was ahead of me and I just couldn’t get a hold on my life. Wanting to do more but not knowing what, or where to start, and at the same time doubting my own potential felt painful.
Looking back, it’s very clear that I have always naturally been heading towards the same direction. When I was just a little kid, I was glued to the television, watching shows from Dr. Phil and Oprah Winfrey. Before I started modeling I was studying psychology. The last 7 years my suitcase has always been filled with self-help books and trying to solve my friends challenges has been my hobby since childhood. Yep, looking back, it is easy to see which path I had to walk down.
Finding my way
But when you’re feeling stuck in life, you aren’t always able to see things clearly. And maybe I didn’t actually BELIEVE that I could do something and ENJOY it if it wasn’t modeling… And the fact that my ego liked the title ‘model’, wasn’t helping me either. This left me thinking that other directions like acting would perhaps suit me better. Looking back I understand that thinking of becoming an actress sounded way sexier to my ego than working in the self-help industry. In short: All these beliefs kept me from developing my natural strengths and just resulted in me procrastinating and distracting myself from following my passion.
Even though in the last years, I often felt lost, I know this all happened for a reason. If I wouldn’t have been struggling myself, I wouldn’t be able to do what I am doing right now: Helping models find their direction in life, doing something they love, something that gives them meaning.
Using my gifts and serving my clients, fulfills me immensely. Helping models find clarity, break through limiting beliefs and finally go for the things they want to go for, excites every cell in my body!
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